I’m having an existential crisis.
All of a sudden I’m questioning everything about who I am, what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, etc. and it’s awful. Questioning the schedule I have in school (if I should switch that college level engineering class that my dad really wants me to take second semester into something that won’t make me want to jump off a cliff?), questioning future career paths (Doctor? Writer? Artist? They are all possible but I CANT CHOOSE), even decisions I made YEARS AGO (maybe if I had done better on that test in fourth grade mom and dad wouldn’t have made me move to this horrible place). If you’ve never had an existential crisis then I am very jealous. It’s like all of my confidence and plans were traded in for doubt and despair. My rock solid world suddenly turned into a bowl of soup and I’m drowning in it. (Weird metaphor but I’m hungry and want soup so hush)
I’m also getting sick of school. It’s been a month. I hate my English, Biology, Web Design, and Geometry teachers. Which leaves French, Art, and History. Which are boring classes besides Art. I am also annoyed with the constant loneliness here. I moved here four years ago. You’d think I’d have some friends by now, but they all get sick of me after a while and I end up the weirdo alone at the lunch table again. At this point I don’t even think I’m going to try anymore. I’ve gone through too many “friends” to count. Alone is easier.
Sorry if that got a little rant-y/complain-y/depressing. I’m not having a good day.