Storytime with Vicki: Sean Bean and the Moral Laxatives

I doubt you get them very much where you live, being pretty much in the middle of nowhere, but where we are, we get quite a few Jehovah’s Witnesses.  I don’t mean that they live around here, but every now and again, especially around Easter time, they go from door to door giving out leaflets and trying to convince people to accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour (or words to that extent).

So, Good Friday last year, me and my brother are playing Mario or something, with mum upstairs telling us to get ready for church, when we hear a knock on the door. I go and answer it, to be met by a trio of Jehovah’s Witnesses recounting to be the story of Easter and my probable eternal damnation. I stand there nodding awkwardly, wondering about how best to ask them to leave, because I’m starting to feel slightly uncomfortable. Meanwhile, my brother sneaks up behind me and stands under my arm. The youngest, slightly confused preachy person gives him a leaflet. My brother goes to read it, and in the middle of the conversation (well, me being talked at), he turns to me, says slightly too loudly, “Vicki, Doesn’t Jesus look like Boromir?”, and starts giggling. He pokes the leaflet in my face, and I start laughing at the uncanny resemblance. Mum has to come downstairs and tell them we are going to church to make them leave, and they walk off, shaking their heads at an obvious lost cause. That leaflet stayed pinned to my brothers bedroom door for about a week because it was nearly a Lord of the Rings poster, (as they both showed Sean Bean’s gruesome death), and we both cracked up every time either of us walked passed it.

Fast-forward a few months, I’m not quite sure how long exactly. Me and my siblings have just got in after school, and my sister goes to pick up the post. So far, so normal. We get another Jehovah’s Witness leaflet, and my sister walks up to me, giggling, and asks “How can .. moral laxative?”. It’s quite hard to understand what’s she’s saying because she’s laughing too much. I shrug, and she pushes the leaflet into my face. Technically, it says “Moral Laxity”, but it’s close enough, and again, the laughing fit ensues.

So, if anyone happens to be a Jehovah’s Witness, I’m Sorry, but I find your religious literature slightly hilarious, because of the above.

– Vicki (who hopes that story wasn’t too offensive)

P.S: Picture? What Picture?

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