Today, I was having a perfectly normal day, doing an inordinate amount of revision and stuff, and then I went to ballet, as per usual. We somehow got onto the topic of jewelry, and how much of that you can wear in exams, and basically after skirting around it by mentioning her engagement ring, and not wearing it anymore, and me figuring out that probably meant her fiance had died, my teacher came out that the reason we’d had a break from dance last year was that her fiance had killed himself. We all ended up talking about it sympathetically for the next half an hour, well after we were supposed to have left, and I couldn’t stop thinking. Can’t stop thinking. On the way home, I made a list of everyone I know who’s thought about it. And I started crying. And the list didn’t get any shorter. 

Me, someone with not an enormous amount of friends or acquaintances, can name at least half a dozen people who’ve attempted suicide. And countless more who’ve seriously considered it. And that’s just the ones I know about. Those who’ve told me, or left a note on their facebook wall. We so rarely speak about these things, at least not off the internet, and it gets swept under the carpet. 

What I’m trying to say is that if you feel this way, tell someone. I want you to know that I love you. God loves you. Someone out there loves you. And they’ll miss you if you go. So please, tell someone. And just hang on. Everything will be alright in the end, so if it not alright, it is not yet the end. 

– Vicki


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